Grab Your Goals!

Success can not be attained overnight. But, still, it can be attained. Funny how people can be so impatient most of the times. Just observe students in the middle of their school life. Instead of being excited that they’ll soon finish education, they would complain of getting bored and wanting to stop schooling for work or, worse, play. Employees and office people, by the time they think they have earned enough money for their family, would plan leaving work to just stay in the house. With these kinds of thinking and attitude, how would one expect to reach his goals in life?

Life is too precious to waste living it without a plan or goal. It is too short not living it to the fullest, as they say. Okay, okay. Say, you have a goal, a dream, a wish you want to fulfill. You’d ask, is that enough? The answer would be yes, as long as you have the assertiveness to reach it. Hey, it wouldn’t be called a goal unless you have no plans of achieving it, right? Otherwise, having a goal without the will to make it into reality is not enough.

Another problem regarding this matter is that people do have a goal but just don’t have what it takes to achieve it, or so they thought. Again, they become blinded by the negativity of their minds.

Money, socio-economic status, race, age, gender – these are just a few factors that hinder individuals to think that they have what it takes to attain success that everyone has been dreaming of. So what if you don’t earn a lot of money? Will that be reason enough for you not to attend school or find a job? How about if you are not among the authorities in your society? Or you’re of a different race? Or you’re still young? Or you’re a female? Should they even be considered reasons to discourage you in turning your dreams into reality? I don’t think so. It is only your mind that says so. Hence, fight it.

What you can do is put your mind into something you want to happen. Say, you want to be a writer. Therefore, think as a writer, feel as a writer, and be a writer. Practice. Read a lot. Grab all opportunities that would make you a writer. Like everything else that we wish to happen, in reaching for a goal, we should make sacrifices – time, effort, responsibilities, etc. After all, success does not come overnight. But eventually, it will.

And before anything else, believe that “I can reach my goals in life. Therefore, I will.”

How to build TRUST in a relationship

Trust is the one resource your relationship must have. If you don't have much trust in your partner, you won't be able to last for long. You see, trust builds credibility. When emergencies come or when there is a need to decide on something big, your trust in each other will get you through most problems.

Trusting means having faith regardless of how difficult it is to understand your partner. So, what happens if this trust is broken? For starters, you won't have much faith in your partner and will doubt everything he or she does. In your mind, you see another person; not the man or woman you chose to believe in.

Below I share with you 7 proven ways to build trust in a relationship. These have worked for me and i have no doubt in mind that they will work for you too.

1. Consider the obvious: You are human!

You make mistakes that you regret later on, and so does your partner. When you agree that you're both capable of making mistakes, you are one step closer to rebuilding trust. If you have the propensity to put your partner on a pedestal, you're setting yourself up for a complete loss of trust when your partner messes up.

The fact is, people will always do stupid things and you cannot control it. You only have control over the way you react to things. Don't sabotage your relationship by thinking your partner is infallible.

2. Say what you mean!

You can't say you are ok when you are frowning. At the same time, you can't tell your partner that you're in love with her or him when your actions say you don't. Not saying what you mean is a form of lying, and dishonesty in whatever form is bad for a relationship. Because your objective is to build trust back in the union, you must agree to say only what you mean and not hide anything from each other.

3. Believe in your partners capacity for change.

If you automatically think a tiger wont change his stripes whenever your partner tries to change, you're making the task of building trust a lot harder.

4. Never Keep Secrets.

Out of all the ways to build trust in a relationship, this is the most important. Secrets are seeds of dishonesty that will grow in time to choke your budding trust. Openness and expression are two things you must value above everything else. If you are both open and expressive, you may never have to keep secrets. To encourage openness, you can always start your sentences with "I feel..." or "I want to..."

5. Your needs are important

If you have been acting the martyr for a time now, you might have set aside your needs to accommodate your partners. Now is the time to let it all out. Tell your partner what you need and create a plan on how to meet those needs. Remember, you're both in this together. You're a team, and team members help each other.

6. Don't say yes when you mean no

There are times when your partner will insist on something, which in your opinion, is completely wrong. The key to disagreeing with your partner is to make it clear that your disagreement is not personal. You don't want to hurt him but you don't think his proposal is reasonable. Say this calmly and in a neutral voice.

7. Lastly, everything you do must contribute to your development as a couple.

Keep moving forward. Leave the bad memories behind and choose forgiveness. You will trust each other again in time if you can keep from digging up each others mistakes. Most importantly take action and apply these ways to build trust in a relationship.

When Mistakes are OK

We all have our own comfort levels when it comes to risk taking and the potential for making mistakes - especially on the job. However, problem solving and challenging status quo may cause a few mistakes along the way. Here are four times when making mistakes should not be cause for concern.

Tom had some good ideas for improving things at work. He had gathered evidence and background information and was pretty confident his idea would work. But he wouldn’t pull the trigger and try it. He was hesitant because he was afraid of making a mistake.

Larry listened as his neighbor Tom shared his idea – and his hesitancy. Larry saw the world differently. Larry told Tom his approach: “I always ask myself – what is the worst thing that can happen? So what if I make a mistake – it gives me another idea about what does work. That’s what I do on the job – and it seems to work great!”

Tom appreciated - even admired - Larry’s thinking, but he couldn’t see that approach working in his company. He felt the way to success was to avoid mistakes at all costs. Being cautious and careful was clearly the way to a promotion.

We all have our own comfort levels about risk taking and the potential for mistakes, but a big part of how we view mistakes comes not from who we are but from where we work – just like Larry and Tom.

I’m sure you recognize that if we take Tom’s approach to the extreme, nothing ever changes and nothing is ever improved. The larger the repercussions of a mistake (real or perceived), the more risk is involved in trying something new. This leads to people being hesitant to try something new – because they are afraid of the consequences of making a mistake.

To be sure, taking Larry’s approach to the extreme can lead to chaos and very expensive mistakes – frequently.

As with many things we need to strike a balance both for ourselves and in our organizations – a balance where we recognize the risks inherent in mistakes, but we are still willing to try new things and can live with the possible outcomes, even if those outcomes are mistakes.

How do we find this balance?

You will find it by deciding when mistakes are really OK – and when they aren’t. Here are four criteria to help you find that balance individually and as team or organization:

Mistakes are OK if:

They lead to learning.

They aren’t repeated.

They are done in pursuit of your goals and objectives.

They don’t violate or conflict with your values.

Let’s look at each of these a bit more closely.

Mistakes are OK if we learn from them. Remember that one of the best opportunities to learn is when we do something wrong – when we make a mistake. If you reduce the opportunities for mistakes you seriously limit your learning opportunities.

Mistakes are OK if they aren’t repeated. So you make a mistake once – learn from it. If it is a repeated mistake, it is less valuable as a learning experience (unless you’re trying to learn the mistake). In fact anything you did learn from the first mistake, likely will be lost with the repeat performance.

Mistakes are OK if they are done in pursuit of your goals and objectives. To achieve any worthy goal or objective different things must be tried. In order to improve anything you must try a new way. New approaches will sometimes cause mistakes. When the mistake is made trying to achieve the agreed upon goals, what could be wrong with it?

Mistakes are OK if they don’t conflict with your values. If your company values safety and the mistake puts you or those around you at a physical risk, then that mistake isn’t advisable. But if no laws are broken and no values are violated, a mistake shouldn’t carry major repercussions.

Applying These Criteria

Think about these criteria collectively not individually. In other words, a mistake could pass three of the criteria but not the fourth. In this case it isn’t OK. But if it meets all four criteria, my advice is to celebrate the person for taking a risk (or congratulate yourself) and keep moving forward.

With these criteria in place people will become more willing to try new things; to take a bit more risk; and to be less tentative. All of these things will lead to some mistakes – but they will also lead to great opportunities for growth and improvement.

Consider how you can apply these criteria for yourself personally and how you can begin to make them a part of your organizational culture. That decision will lead to a few more errors, and open you up to great opportunities for improvement too.

Dealing with Disappointment

An article that help you practically deal with disappointment biblically and practically.

I can share a personal experience with you to help you understand what disappointment can mean and also how it can affect you personally deeper than you know. A couple years ago when we were starting our new church plant in San Diego we promoted it, invited all of our family and friends and on that day we had over 100 people in attendance for our opening day church service. It was wonderful and turned out better than we could have expected.

My husband and I were definitely on a spiritual high feeling victory that our church plant was going to go smooth with no problems. NOT!!! The following Sunday our church attendance was nine people and all of them were part of our team that came with us.

Needless to say, my husband seemed fine but I was disappointed. I felt defeated and it was only the second Sunday of our church plant. At that moment you don’t know how to feel and you are left with two choices, give up or move on. We chose to move forward by faith because we believe that God has called us there and regardless if there is one person or 1000, if God has called us we need to be obedient to Him.

Our Faith kept us going and I am happy to report that our church is growing and thriving. Praise the Lord. Had we of quit we would not be seeing the blessings we are now and we have learned some valuable lesson through it.

You see my problem was I had expectations that weren't realistic. I thought it would be a peace of cake to start a church plant and that it would just grow magically. I learned a valuable lesson, which was that my expectations were not based on fact or reality but my own thoughts and opinions and it was a hard lesson but it opened my eyes.

I put together some tips on how to deal with disappointment and hope it helps you as it did me. The definition of disappointment is, “The state of having a feeling or emotion of being defeated in an expectation or a hope.” In looking at this definition helps us to learn how to deal with disappointment.

1. Re-Evaluate your Expectations: Are your expectations realistic? Or do they set you up for disappointment? Having un-realistic expectations will disappoint you every time.
   
   
2. Be willing to Drop Some Expectations: There are some expectations that are not worth having at all. As you look again at your situation be honest and ask yourself if you are having an expectation that is selfish, petty or unrealistic. If so, you are only hurting yourself by keeping them and should let them go.
   
   
3. Be Flexible: Learn from your mistakes and be willing to change your point of view about your situation that is realistic and considers the good as well as the bad and keep in mind what matters most.

One of the first exercises my husband and I give to couples in pre-marital counseling is to write down all of their expectations about the other person and then we have them read their list out loud and then tear it up and throw the list away. People don’t like this exercise very much because we are forcing them to get rid of their expectations of the other person, but it is an important one to learn and could save them a lot of grief after they get married..

We do this because it is normal for every person to have an ideal spouse in their mind of what they will be like and how they will act. It can come from their up bringing or what they have learned along the way, television or by what they have read of what a spouse is supposed to be like and act like. They then naturally bring those expectations into their marriage and right away they become immediately disappointed that their expectations are not being met.

Unfortunately it happens a lot in marriages and is more common than people realize and people wonder why they are having arguments and problems the first year of their marriage.

Sometimes when I counsel women who go through similar issues, I tell them to not be so hard on themselves and they won’t be hard on others. It’s a trickle down affect that occurs when people place hard or un-realistic expectations on themselves and then will naturally place those same expectations on others.

The worst part of this scenario is that when the person is working extra hard to fulfill these un-realistic expectations for themselves they expect others to do it too and they are constantly disappointed that others are not fulfilling their part. So in this scenario re-evaluate your own expectations of your self and see if you need to let go of them so that you can be freed from your own disappointment and not place that same expectations on others.

We encourage couples to not go into their marriage with expectations on their spouse but to get to know and accept their spouse for who they are and work together in accomplishing their goals and dreams together using their gifts and talents they both have.

Don’t get me wrong we also go over the roles of the husband and the roles of the wife with these couples but roles are responsibilities that are given to fulfill their role as the husband or the wife and not “personal” expectations. It’s important to know the difference.

My husband always says, “If you don’t have expectations you won’t be disappointed.” It’s true. We deal with our ministry the same way. It is what it is and we have to be willing to work with what we have to make it better and not focus on what it isn’t or what we don’t have but enjoy and be blessed with what God is doing.

The only expectation we have now is that God is faithful and He will do it. It may not happen how we expect Him to or when we expect Him to but He does it in His perfect way and in His perfect time. His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways!

So if you are dealing with disappointment take a moment to evaluate your expectations and be willing to make the necessary changes that will lift anything that may be keeping you down or others down. Sometimes our worst enemy is our own self. I hope these helps will give you something to work with when dealing with disappointment.